Those mixed and dicey feelings in my head are finally laid out... Masterfully done Lani! ( this reminds me of how much I am a contradiction... so atleast now I know I wasn't the only one who felt that way...
Perhaps we're just Yandere... well, not the killing sorts but the ones that are devout and all, but then something in us caused the relationship to , one way or another, be destructive... I ended up destroying myself after believing, working and hoping for something that wasn't there in the first place. <and I haven't gone to a Psychologist in my life... not saying it will or won't solve anything...>
My father kept promising me appointments with this psychologist... but never once did he bring me to any of them. (correction:under further inspection of what I last wrote... I didn't clarify what proper nouns belonged to the pronoun "Us". gets pretty confusing... I was referring to your friend and I having Yandere traits... if you have such traits as said in the last comment... I guess that makes it the 3 of "us" ... sorry if I sorta type a lot or if the stuff I type sound awkward... I'm... weird I guess.
The only thing that keeps me from getting my Grandfather's Kukri knife from it's sheath is Bible study. Some people find it weird for a catholic involved in Christian endeavors... and though I look somewhat taboo, they accept me nonetheless. I've lost faith, but there's just something about what my speaker says that keeps me from wanting to permanently sever my connections with God. I guess I just feel guilty or something... complain about my suffering when there's lots of others who deserve to do so, but are still silent to rebuke. It both provokes and prevents me from doing anything extreme. Shame I guess is another word.<others suffer until death. Do I even deserve a shortcut out? >