This is much more than a poem. It's a deeper part of your life simply written. No difficult structure or fancy rhyme scheme, it's just exactly what you want to say and more between the lines. I like that. Thank you for sharing with us.
No problem. I've gone over a year and a half since my last relapse, but I have come very dangerously close to it many times since. Saying it's hard doesn't even cover it. But all I've done since I stopped... 7 years ago? I think? All I've done is relapse once when things get too much. Then I've gone on without for a long time before another blip. before I "stopped" it was every day. I still have scars, very visible ones. But "doing it once" isn't the same as "starting doing it again", if that makes sense.
If you ever do break, don't punish yourself for that moment. Celebrate how long it's taken before you needed it. And make every break further away than the last. Every day you DON'T do it is a blessing, not the other way around. So be proud of every day. Even the days you do for the spaces between. I won't lie and say you'll never want to - like I said, 7 years and my brain still jumps to that as a defence mechanism. But it gets easier with time, and you get stronger.