DefinitionI'm fineI'm not fine, please help meEnough about meI'm hiding somethingI'm recoveringI'm just saying that.I need youI'm about to attempt suicideI'm just tiredI can't take this anymoreI already ateI can't eat. I want to starveGo AwayDon't leave. Care enough to stay.I love youYou're the one person I trustI don't love you any moreI do, I just don't want to hurt you.I'm coldI've cut, I don't want you to see the scarsI'm better, I promiseI'm the worst I've been, I liedI'm okayI want to dieJust one moreI'm not going to stop.
The Ones I've LostScars show the battlesThe ones I've lost.Arched, puckered, uglyBut I'll show you themI'll show youThe ones I've lost.Long sleeves hide the trailBut scars tell a storyOne arm a horrific fightOne leg a slow climaxWherever, whatever, they'll always beThe ones I've lostSoon I'll have recoveredFor your sweet words hold me dearYour lips brush the white linesYour fingers against my hipYou'll never let me goThe ones I've lost ...are distant...
LonelinessI'll share a drink with you,And may it be called Loneliness...But it's betterthan sitting heredrinkingalone.
RelapseHide the bladeBeneath the clothes,RunRun to be aloneIn the silenceWhere only the blade remains.Cut before you change your mindLet the adrenaline runYou've done itThe relief is uncontrollable.Blood, beading along the linesYou smileTearsThey fall down your faceThe pressure is gone,But what remains is guiltAll that effort,Wasted,You're worthless,To find pleasure from this pain.You've relapsed.Who can help you?Your boyfriend thinks you're selfish.Your family thinks it's attention seeking.Your sister, your dear sweet sister,She cares too much it would kill her.Who can help you now?No one.You've relapsed.You're alone.
SingDo you ever hear the pounding?Of the blood through your veinsCalling youIt starts to hurtAchingDull, slowSinging for the blade.Do you ever feel the stinging?Of old scars outlining your storyCalling youDon’t do itStopYou reachSinging for the blade.Do you ever hear the ticking?Of the clock as time slowsCalling youThe blade runsBloodBeadsBleeds, slowYou sung for the blade.
Hidden'I wonder what my mom and dad would sayIf they knew I cried each day...'I wonder what they would sayIf they saw my arms and legslaced with scarsAnd a tale of miseryI wonder how they would feelIf they knew I was lyingThat I didn't feel illI was forcing, willingI wonder how it would hurt themIf they knew I was hurtingand switching emotional painfor physical.I wonder what they would thinkif they knew I lived a liethat I wasn't happybut depressed, dying.There's a reason they don't knowthey'll do as they always do.It's a personal attack on them they'd sayand that it's for attention.But what if they're wrong?What if it's not attention?But I'm dying. Piece by piece, losing my mind
YouSome days I feel aliveSome days I feel aloneSome days I want to crySome other days I don'tI want to have you by my sideI want to have you closeI want you not to be afraidI want you to give me love...Be there when I feel aliveBe there when I feel aloneBe there when I want to cryBe there when I don't...
FragileMotions,Slow and smoothI move to youWill you move to me?Fragileone step brings all downWill I take the stepOr will you?MeetYour hand glances my faceFollows a trailThat misery broughtForever Is how I'd like to stayLike this with youbut a step is done.BrokenDepression strikesYou touch me no moreYou're gone, away.HiddenThat's how you remainWhy do you hide?Can't I help?GradualYou come back tomeslow and smoothI'll move to youRelationshipsfragile, thin iceWill depression strikeWill you leave me once more?
My GiftMy gift to you,Will be my heart.BrokenShardsOf loveThat's lost.My gift to you,Will be my strength.ImpossibleLackingIrreparableYet strong.My gift to you,Will be my love.IrrationalUnendingInconsolableI'm yours.My gift to you,Will be my blood.See scarsTraceHealNever again.My gift to you,Will be my body.AbusedRuinedTaintedYet here.My gift to you,Will be my mind.SporadicInsaneFixatedOn you.
To Love Beyond LivingSoft strokes on your backAs you weepAre sweetYou left meI'm numbYou've left me so weakI'll sit and cryAnd you'll wonder whyTo love beyond livingis, to me a crime
FearFear.Fear is walking into a hospitalAnd not knowing when you'll leaveFear is watching a doctor read your chartAnd shake his head in desperationFear is writhing around in agonyWanting an end to come soonFear is not knowing what is wrongAnd wishing it would stopFear is knowing this is partially a dreamAnd that soonThose hospital lightsDraw nearer.SoonIt will be real...
Death WishI'll let the blood run and flowI'll watch the scars grow and growI know inside I'll never be freeAnd that this life is made for meI'll hide the blades and knives and scarsI'll please everyone and be happy for a whileBut when will they realise?When will they know?I want to die,I want to be gone.
DelusionalDeathThat final wordYouThe one I loveThose words together,I freeze.Petrified.Immovable.Don't leave me here.Take steps,UnableI can't concentrateAre you alive?!Eighteen HoursWithout wordsNoneYou threatenedDid you succeed?TearsBegin to fall,How could you do this?How could you leave me alone?I lift my headWipe my mouthLean back.You can't have succeededCould you?
Dirty SecretLet me tell you a secretWhen I cutI sayI don't want to dieBut here's the punchline ...I lied...
FailureI've lost my dreamIt's shattered, goneI stand here with shards surrounding meDreams of a futureA career and happinessgone and I'm left here hopelessSo once again,I turn to the bladeto find it gone. I thought I'd recoveredI was denied my hopeit laughs in my faceDeath, is what I want.
HopeA dark sooty tunnelNo sense of light, or endSits a young girl, dyingOf her own self miseryA hand reaches with a smileAnd pulls her outWords act like hugsHer spirit risesWith his words, she returnsShe brings back her old truthsWhat were once memoriesShe removes from boxesShe’s a new girlConfident, smiling, laughingHe stands looking at his workHe’ll catch her if she fallsNo one recognises this girlThey only recognise her shellHer soul has returnedShe’ll prove them all wrong.She barely recognises herselfBut she’s not aloneShe stands strong with a friendA friend who pieced her back togetherA friend, called hope.
StorySleeves, long, pulled downSkin, criss crossed with pale whiteagainst scars, puckered and jagged.Can you tell the story?Some abused, harassed, hurt,Held against their willPunished, pushed open, forced wide,Broken, pained, rapedSome punish themselves harshlySelf hatred, loathing, miseryto slash with blades into soft skina release, true justice, freeFaliure, is what some fearTeachers and parents alike punish her,Yes she may dream of inspiration,Pushed down, Demoted, Full of failureThey stand together with bandaged armsReasons make no differenceThey stand scarred, never aloneBut can you tell the story?
Honest PsychiatristNormal, your brain is not.Take a guess at what you got.It's needed for your medication.Label shouldn't cause frustration.Guess at what pill to take.So many that they make.Don't know about your brain.Could make you more insane.Effects are usually small.You may have none at all.We warn just so you know,Your pain may just grow.Your brain isn't fried.Just another to be tried.Patience is what I need.I promise it isn't greed.So here's another pill.Maybe now you won't be ill.
Psychotic DepressionAccording to my doctor's session,I have psychotic depression.I looked it up online.I'm worried by my find.It's worded different ways,But serious it always says.The diagnosis goes to few.The description seems to be true.Aware the voices aren't real.Ashamed of how I feel.Hid the voice for many years.Being found, greatest of my fears.This means a change in pill.Make me no longer ill.
siLverlOVestiEn17 Title PoemPushed aroundWorthlessLife full of sorrowWill I wake from this nightmare?Sick of itI'm not okayDying insideHidden truthMy suicidal secretTired of lyingDesperateIf only I were lovedHelp me, pleaseDon't let me fall, pleaseWhy'd you go?Can this pain end?I'm replaceable
2 Years...This is a girl.Who doesn't cut.Doesn't want to die. Yet anyway.Who didn't fast or count calories.Who didn't have panic attacks.I Was just sad.And lonely.But she had her friends.And on this day.The 9th December 2011.She went out to celebrate her friends birthday.And she had her lows.And she had her highs.And it was fun.And she remembers going home so happy.Can you believe that only a month or so later she considering suicide?And then fell down from there.And a year later at the same friends birthday party.She was triggered by that massive cake knife...That.That picture was the begginging.I was young. I was happy.I was worth living.And now,.That's gone...In just. Two. Years...
MaskI put on a mask to hide my face.I make sure that it leaves no trace.I want to open up myself and share,But if I do will you still be there?My thoughts are more twisted than you know.My self-esteem's extremely low.Sometimes I have so much fear.It's so tough to keep my head clear.I want to kill myself all the time,But I just tell you that I'm fine.Sometimes I want to kill others.That's something you can never discover.And so I keep it hidden inside.I don't know if it's fear or pride.This will change your image of me.You'll run away from what you see.You'll never look at me the same.I don't want to play this game.So I'll keep myself locked away.It doesn't matter what I want to say.Keeping up my high wall,Is the closest to not being this at all.
My ReflectionMy reflectionOh, how I hate that mirrorPlease break it downThe nights I stand gazing,I'm on my knees, begging you pleaseI don't want to look anymore...No, I don't want to seeTheGhost staring back at me Driving me to insanityStuck in between…Glass and false reflectionsTaking over meEven I don't recognize myselfI don’t know the person staring at meI know it’s meCAN’T YOU SEE!I’M IN TOO DEEP!This feeling, itches….Down inside flesh and boneWhy do you laugh, when I cry?Why did I do the things you told me to?You reflect back at meI know what my eyes cannot seeI will never be freeMy arm still burns Cuts and bruises covered meJust thinking of itGives me a rush'Maybe two more pounds lessYou will look and feel much better'I know it is wrongI try not to follow alongBut I’m not always strongI always need more ,More to feel betterI can't necessarily blame youWhen it is me...I am y
autumn's garden.it was autumn's beginningwhen he scattered a combination of kisseson my collarbones & chest(the rusted gate to the crevice of my crux)in a vain attempt to unlock the possibility of a love so parched,like the terrain of his treachery,that the sweat determined to fall down our backswould be enough to quench his thirst -as if each kiss would be enough to transform my entire coreinto a garden of his ownto play in.with each kisshe planted flowers in my heart,with roots down to the core of my being,knowing of the dark cloudspouring down the rain from my brain,nourishing the fruits of his labourin a cool whirl -a breeze enough to ruffle even the smallest of feathers,swirl the dead-most leaves,& arouse the most dormantof souls.even if each kiss was enough to transform the crumbling of gates(like an autumn leafslow dancing its way to the groundin a fear of being crushedby the foot steps left on my heart),the falling of summer's lust,& the trembling of hands against t
DifferentDifferentThey're all going to laughPeopleDismiss meNo one answersLaughed at, picked last, and kicked aroundMy anxiety makes me feelTongue tiedWhy the fuck bother?Done
I Miss YouI miss you.I can't stop loving you.True love never dies.I can't find the words to tell youWhat you mean to me.You never know what you have until it's gone.What's wrong with me?What did I do?Hopelessly thinking about thenOn the rooftop,When you said"This is the end.Nothing lasts foreverGoodbye."
As Death ApproachedAs death approached, the girl just smiled."You've kept me waiting for quite a while."He wonders "Shouldn't death you fear?""I've always thought that death was near."The girl turned away to sink what she said."I have always felt I was already dead.I float through this world without a care.It's almost like I'm not really there.So, no I'm not afraid of no longer being.You can see that I'm already nothing."Death just nodded. What she said was true."Regardless it is time for me to take you."The girl stood up, all ready to go.An afterlife she thought, wasn't likely to show.Death did his duty, and took her away.The girl finally had her awaited day.
Shedding SkinSomeday I'll be cured,I'll shed my skinBe new.Someday I'll be found,I'll stop being lostAnd live.Someday I'll be free,Show off my armsScars faded.Someday I'll be known,For my troubling fightFor freedom. Someday...Today I'm in pain,The wish to harmbeats hope.But,Someday I'll be cured,I'll shed my skinBe new.