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Hi All,
I am starting a new project to explain my condition. It will be called 'Relapse: The Diary of a Suicidal Girl'. It will tell the tale of a girl with two sides to her, both with separate names.
Meet Lana, a sensible girl passing her exams trying to make a life.
Meet Lani, a suicidal self harmer, given up on life due to past abuse.
(Basically, this is going to be the book after 'Cut Me - The Secret Story of a Young Girl' - Yes, I am writing them at the same time.)
Is this girl all she seems? Will her ability to separate her personalities crack?
I hope you enjoy,
Lani, ASuicidalPoet xo
Diagnosis
So, as of yesterday I have been officially diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, it's not as if I haven't known that I have suffered this for the last 4 and a half years...
I am going on anti-depressants to help with my insanely high anxiety next week, and hopefully this will help as they have said that if I do not get better, they may suspend my university course so that I do not pressure myself too much in the exams.
On a more positive note, it is amazing the overwhelming support I have had from my lecturers and friends and it is making it a lot easier to handle.
I am starting an online blog where I shall be writing mainly now
New Year, New Beginnings
Or at least I wish the title could explain what has happened so far this month. To be a bit frankly obvious, it hasn't been the best. However I am able to say that I have not self harmed for the whole of 2015 so far, no matter how close I have been and how difficult the fight has been.
Needless to say, I don't have any sharpeners in my room, I have to borrow my neighbours. Not that she knows why I don't own one. Some days I just lock myself away and pretend that I don't exist. It makes me feel safe and gives me the ability to go insane and have no one judge me for the actions that I take.
Today I wrote 3,391 words to the man I love.
May
Hello
Sadly I have felt the necessity to return. Difficult changes have occurred and I am finding it very difficult to stay on top of everything.
Some things have changed for the best, I am now a university student and am achieving a first in all my modules with all returned work, however things have also gone badly mentally and I am fighting against relapse.
But with all that, I am back.
Hi.
Lana
A Suicidal Poet
Truth about Recovery
Clean? Approximately 6 Months
Recovery doesn't mean the fight is over.
Recovery doesn't mean that you will never get the urge and want for blood.
I still do.
Two nights ago I was the closest I had ever been to relapsing.
I'd lived a week in fear of pregnancy, then found it to be untrue.
You would think that would be good news, but I had never been so empty and lonely in my life.
Recovery isn't the end
It's the beginning.
-Alanna
© 2013 - 2024 AOnceSuicidalPoet
Comments13
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Ooooooo... Sounds good.